BS-Report.com

http://www.madatoms.com/site/blog/depressed-or-tired-a-judgment-call

Sarah Silverman is awesome…

Awesome retort to Kirk Cameron and Ray “the banana guy” Comfort video….

Vice Presidential Handlers Lure Cheney Into Traveling Crate | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source

A team of nine specially trained handlers have successfully lured outgoing vice president Dick Cheney into a reinforced steel traveling crate in order to transport him back to his permanent enclosure in Casper, WY, official sources reported Monday. “He’s a smart one. Once he sees the crate, he gets pretty nippy, but we’ve learned a few tricks over the years,” chief VP wrangler Ted Irving breathlessly said while applying pressure to a deep gash on his forearm

Oh if it weren’t for Big Brother, we just wouldn’t know!

‘Sarah Palin’ Was ‘08 Fastest-Rising Search Term | Newsweek Technology | Newsweek.com

It’s the end of the world as we know it: As if failing
banks and a rising jobless rate weren’t enough to worry about, the
Large Hadron Collider, a particle accelerator lying under the
Franco-Swiss border, has inspired bigger fears. Doomsday-inclined
scientists say the apparatus, 17 miles in circumference, could
accidentally produce black holes or hypothetical particles known as
strangelets, either of which would destroy the earth. (It was switched
on in early September, to no disastrous effect.) Such science-fiction
outcomes helped make “particle accelerator” or “Large Hadron Collider”
one of the fastest-rising search terms in New Zealand, Austria and
other countries. The French and Swiss, despite sitting on top of the
device, were strangely unworried.

Classic…

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change! The chicken wanted change!

SARAH PALIN: Where’s my shotgun?

JOHN MCCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where’s my shotgun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the plain truth? That’s why they call it the ‘other side.’ Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like ‘the other side.’ That chicken should not be crossing the road. It’s as plain and as simple as that.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

From Bits & Pieces

The Lazy Man’s Guide to Getting Things Done | Zen Habits

Allow things to happen.

Trying to force things to go your way is not only stressful, it’s not very intelligent. It’s better to guide things along, than trying to marshal them in like a dictator. Try to let things happen, instead of making them happen. Remember that a small rudder directs even the most giant ship.

That one is one of my personal favorites.

Was George Carlin Our Mark Twain? Comedy Greats Say Yes | The Underwire from Wired.com

When it comes to the great subjects of the 20th century — war, media, advertising, racism, consumption, governance — and even the little ones — where you put all your stuff, bad drivers, fussy eaters — Carlin is almost unparalleled in his wit and critique. He was an exceptional American, and a top-shelf satirist whose rants will live on through the 21st century.

I would totally agree.

RIAA Bans Telling Friends About Songs | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source

LOL

Attacked by a McCain Supporter!

Dick Fuld Is Punched: Lehman Brothers CEO Got Punched In The Face

He deserves more than just a punch in the face.

House Approves $700 Billion Financial Bailout : NPR

I don’t know how much I like this.  Honestly, I think it is ridiculous that we are bailout out these companies when they are run by the very people that would said capitalism is the greatest thing in the world, looks more like socialism to me.  How the hell does the deal include crap earmarked like fixing NASCAR raceways.  I understand that business needs to keep running or it will snowball, so your damned if you do, damned if you don’t.  When is America going to learn that running everything on credit is bad idea, some credit is necessary but look what having all credit does to you too.

The rabble rousing also feels like the beginnings of the Iraq war.  FEAR FEAR FEAR FEAR

The Great Schlep from The Great Schlep on Vimeo.